Forgotten Purpose



It was requested I be a "nice" witch.

Can it be true, that I've neglected updating for almost 3 months?  It is so easy to wander off the path set forth with "good intentions". 

This was supposed to be a diary of my journey to and with my children...and somehow I have gotten so caught up in the raising of my children, the documenting and memorization of them has gotten lost in the madness of everyday life.

My son continues to startle me with his deep comprehension of emotions and feelings, way beyond what a 4 year old should be able to express.  His must be a very old soul to be able to observe situations and people around him and empathize and realize potential outcomes and express sorrow, regret, and gratitude accordingly. 

A few random reportings:

While crossing the street on Halloween, Lil Dude dropped his bucket and all of his candy was suddenly on the street, as we scrambled to pick up his treasures I was thinking, this isn't good 4 people bending over in the middle of the dark street in dark clothing I hope no cars come upon us.  What I said was, "Pick it up, hurry, pick it up and let's get going."  As we finished our task and touched foot to sidewalk (and safety) he apologetically stated "I'm sorry I put us all in danger."

 Dressed as a prince and princess for their school Halloween festivities, Lil Dude looked at Aubriana admiringly and declared "Don't worry my beautiful princess,  I'll protect you from dragons and bullies at school."

Heard from the backseat:

Lil Dude:
"Mommy, did you know that G*d wants us all to be good people and that he thinks mean people are stupid?"

"Daddy, Kung Fu is not about hitting, it is to teach you to fnd out a secret about yourself"  (after watching Kung Fu Panda).

Aubriana is a quiet and thoughtful soul, her desires are not as easy to read as her brother's but her sweetness can not be denied. 

On the stairs I was tickling her before sending her up to bed, I grabbed her for one last kiss and asked "what was the best part of your day today?" to which she responded, "you being silly with me tonight." I always forget it really is the simple things that matter most.

We have a carousel that holds all of our pre-measured coffee cups and one day she was admiring it in the corner, or so I thought, the next morning I realized she had put them all in order according to brand and flavor! 

She asked me to help her get dressed in a fancy costume, with gloves, shoes, dress, the whole shebang.  Then she gently went and knocked on the door where her father was busy within and in her soft little voice, said Daddy, will you come out and dance with me and marry me, I'm all dressed up and ready for you".

I was applying full make-up on her for Halloween and as I was applying her mascara, she whispered "Mommy,  I love wearing make-up with you".

I hope my children realize, that they are at the top of my thoughts every moment in my day, and the last thing I pray about every night.  These little snippets of our times together will bring us back to one another when ever and where ever we may read them in the future.

I love my little angels who give my life so much fulfillment, meaning and joy.

Love for Love's Sake

There are so many amazing people you meet via the world of adoption. 

On the whole I would generalize them as people who have a heart with love to share and seek out a child to pour that energy into.  A way of building a family.  That is what it was for me, but as I've met more and more people, who share this road to build family and spread love, aside from the average adoptive family there are stand-out people who are more like angels living amongst us, who take it to an entirely different plane of comprehension than anything I could come up with on my own.

They are inspired, to spread love and honor God by going above and beyond the regular protocol, to rescue/protect/shelter/honor... I don't know the right word; to love without condition a damaged soul. 

To seek out the weaker beings and less obviously optimistic circumstances,  to stretch further, and dig deeper to go to a level most of us would be too timid to risk treading towards, because it carries greater risk, less security of a positive ending.

I came across this blog, and this family's story is sad and inspirational and awe inspiring and I wish I could love and relinquish expectations this freely and find hope in the darkest corner and trust that no matter what,  God  is in control, and doesn't require my worries or concerns to block what is the ultimate act of living in his image. 

To love and accept people for no other reason than you are born and that makes you worth everything in his eyes, and if you are lucky enough to cross paths with one of those angels who walk amongst us who  are here to be an example of how to live your best life to take note and absorb some of that hope and faith.

Please take a moment to visit this blog
Hope for Elisyn - A journey to heal her broken Heart and read the story of this family and the leap of faith they took to love and save this beautiful girl.

Perhaps if we gather together to lift her up in prayer, we can be part of a wondrous opportunity to bring hope and happiness to this family and brighten our own life experience by sharing our energies to lift up a family member in need.

I am so touched that people have such a capacity for giving and loving, I pray God will let her light shine long and strong here on earth before he calls
this angel home.

Hug  your loved ones extra tight, because our blessings are so much more than we comprehend.

xoxo

What do you think of me now?

Do you notice anything different?  I've gotten an extreme make-over; well not me per say, but my blog. 

My dear friend Christie, took the time out of her very busy schedule to bless me with an entirely new look and feel for my little corner of blogville. 

I am crazy for the new look and inspired to pay more attention to posting on a more consistent basis, but more than that I am so touched that she would pause her very busy life to invest her time and talent on me.

Christie is one of my benefits acquired through the world of adoption. The wait brought us together, but after we were done waiting we got busy becoming real friends and I am so grateful for her companionship, humor, understanding and friendship. 

She and her family now reside in my heart and I am so thankful to count her as a true friend.

If you want an amazing make-over for your blog go here http://bushelpeckdesigns.blogspot.com/

Happy Birthday Aubriana Rose

My sweet child, what joy you have brought to me; with your soft and gentle demeanor. 

You were born such a little lady, I am so lucky to be able to indulge

your desires in all things girlie!

 

I find it difficult  to restrain myself  in feeding your passion for fashion!

 

I never realized  how much I would be joining you on experiencing the joys
 of being a little girl, once again I live in a land of fairies and princesses
and all things possible.

Your delight in this is contagious to all of us, and who can resist a request to dance
with a princess or accompany her to the latest ball?

My little flower has slowly and surely revealed herself to have a

fun and mischievous petal or two!

 

That is where I see you taking on characteristics that I recognize as my own

 and I know nurture has complimented your nature; I truly see myself in your refection

Thank you for making my days and nights sweeter with your presence and

filling up my heart with love and beauty.

All my love and adoration,

Mommy

You are my Sonshine

Dear K-man,

As I reflect on the last four years of your life, I am still surprised that the thing I never thought I wanted was the very thing I needed most; a son.

 A son treats his mother with adoration and devotion, she is his first "true-love" and his allegience to her is unfaltering and strong for all of his days.

You are my prince, you brighten my day with unsolicited declarations of love and affection. Every emotion and feeling I pour into you comes back to wash over me ten-fold.

 I cherish the fact that you still desire my attention when you are playing, yelling "look at me Mommy" for any physical act you attempt.

 Things I love about you:

Without prompting you will lean over and kiss me and say "I love you".

Whatever I make, you think I am the "Best" cook in the world.

When I am sick you cover me with your special blanket and leave your beloved "teddy" with me so I'll feel better.

You have a truly tender heart, for your sister, your dog, family and friends.

You are FUNNY; way beyond your 48 months on Earth.

 I am saddened that you are growing up so quickly and yet I can't wait to see the amazing man you are destined to become.

 You have had my heart since the first moment I saw you and your hold on me grows stronger every day.

 My wish for you is to lead those who are weaker than you, follow the example of those who are brave and righteous, and share your gifts with others to create harmony and peace to those you reach.

Happy Birthday my beautiful, beautiful, boy!

With all of my love, Mommy

Sleep, come find me and lie beside me and soothe my weary soul

If I had to account for how and where I spend my time,  I couldn't reliably tell you in all honesty. 
I just know suffering from insomnia has taken the meaning of time and turned it upside down.  I spend my days trying to catch up on sleep that was not captured during the moonlit hours of night time.

It creates a feeling of craziness, of not being normal.  The Internet has become a companion and an enemy of sorts.  It gives me something to occupy those long dark nights where the noises you hear always seem more ominous than in the light of day; at it's best,it is an uninterested companion.

I no longer see my friends or neighbors, as I am so exhausted by sunrise, I sequester myself to a falsely darkened room and spend my days in fitful sprints of sleep; awakened repeatedly by deliveries, phone calls, and Life in general. 

It seems like a punishment, but I have yet to figure out what  crime I have committed that the penalty is to virtually be removed from society and normalcy. I am trying to make use of this time to self evaluate and review what life has to offer in the midst of all this solitude.  Self reflection has not rewarded me with many answers to these queries.

I am a person who hates waste, particularly of things that are finite and irreplaceable.  How ironic that years of my life have been swept away chasing sleep and renewal of energy and hope.

Perhaps this is a gift in disguise, as is often the case when we have burdens assigned to us.  I have no doubt when I find the solution to my problem it will cease to exist because I found the meaning in the challenge.

Until that time, I bid you a truly "good" night.

What you say?

My son, "Lil Dude" is a 35 year old man trapped in the body of a large 3 1/2 year old.

Out of his mouth come the most profound and wise statements. Some are lines out of movies or television shows, some are original thoughts, but he uses them in context and with the perfect inflection as if he has been here, done that, seen this and heard it all  before.

I promised myself I would write them down, but I can't keep up; and he is so prolific that as soon as he says one that makes me laugh out loud another is on the way and pushes the first right out of my memory.

Here are some more recent quotes:

"Mommy, if our love is strong, nothing will separate us,"

After monopolizing the dinner conversation for 20 minutes telling us about his day at pre-school, his father asked a simple question and Lil Dude responded: "Daddy, please be quiet and eat your dinner."

Sunday we were rained in. The day was spent eating a big brunch, watching cartoons, napping, a big dinner, bath, and ice cream with his sister back in front of the tv. "He looked intently at his sister and declared "Aubriana, wasn't this the perfect day?"

After hitting his head on a hanging lamp fixture:

"Ouch, that was unusual"

Upon seeing his new climbing dome which requires 135 nuts and bolts to hold it together.  "Daddy put it together now, how hard can it be?"

I switch the wallpaper on my computer to a different picture of my kids every week. This particular week it was a picture of Aubriana.  I walked up to "Lil Dude" who was standing at the computer staring at the screen and asked him if he wanted me to put on a game, his reply: "In a minute, come look at this picture of your wonderful daughter!"

 I love you K-man. Thank you for filling my days with insight and laughter.

P.S.  We dressed up to celebrate The Royal Wedding of Will and Kate - ninja wear and spider man simply wouldn't do.

3 Years Ago Today

Three Years Ago Today - April 24, 2008

I had an angel placed into my arms and in that moment she claimed her proper place in my heart as my beloved daughter. 

This was no stranger,  my soul recognized her instantly, we were always meant to be together,  the spot in my heart, which belonged to her and only her, swelled to contain the overflowing love which surged in when I held her close. 

I nuzzled her ear and whispered, it's me, Mommy, we're together now - everything is going to be alright.

Her face is beauty personified, her laughter tickles me, her willingness to help and desire to stay close warms me. I am in awe of her.

 I thank G*d for the gift of her everyday and night.  She is my angel from heaven.

  

Today, as we celebrate the third annniversary of being united half way around the world I look ahead to a lifetime of milestones achieved and spent together. Thank you for the gift of being my daughter.

With all of my love and affection,

Mommy

Photographers Everywhere - I applaud thee.

Is it already Springtime 2011?  Life has been laden with unexpected and long visiting struggles lately and many things have been neglected or re-prioritized, I may be down, but I'm not beaten and here are some pictures to catch you up to speed.

Everyone in the kid's class seems to be celebrating a birthday.  We had two parties at the same place, for girls with the same name in two weeks.

I am surrounded by blogger friends who are amazing photographers, I am not a member of that elite group, I admire them from afar.  If I remember to bring a camera, and actually pull it out to use it, that is a rare and happy occasion.

I don't know how to edit, light, focus, crop or any of the other key terms used in photography.  I have never read the directions for any camera I purchased.  Point and shoot or get out.

This explains the plethora of horrific photos taking up space in my computer's memory.

Than factor in the uncooperative brood I co-habitate with.  The youngest two who have created a family tradition of disrobing the moment their feet enter the home after a long day of being clothed at school.

Most of their time at home is spent in various states of undress.

On this evening, the only poses they would agree to were with eyes closed and mouths open.  Funny,that is the exact opposite of what I was requesting.

I did have a moment of inspiration, where I invited Aubriana to get dressed up and have a mini private photo shoot.

 My main problem was an invisable prop failure, she asked for lipgloss and some lipstick, but her body had an instant reaction to the applied substance and as you can see in virtually every shot, her lips (of their own accord) responded to the extra "weight" of said product as if they had been injected with Angelina Jolie DNA or suctioned into a 4th dimension. 

She looks like she smelled something, and not in a pleasent way.

I pleaded with her to retract them inwards.

Then, ths joker arrived on the scene, uninvited and apparently unaware of the dress code.  Nothing like a little opposite composition to keep it interesting.

"What part of get out of the shot" does he not understand?

At least his eyes are open and his lips look normal.  I'll work with what I've got.

  

Party part deux, they were even both "Dora" themed.

Buried in plastic, substitue the balls for credit cards and that's my story.

Zip line fun.

Guess who wanted lipstick and gloss for the party?

Enjoy the beauty of spring, if you can't capture it with a camera, at least commit it to memory.  Happy Spring Everyone.