Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Sleep, come find me and lie beside me and soothe my weary soul

If I had to account for how and where I spend my time,  I couldn't reliably tell you in all honesty. 
I just know suffering from insomnia has taken the meaning of time and turned it upside down.  I spend my days trying to catch up on sleep that was not captured during the moonlit hours of night time.

It creates a feeling of craziness, of not being normal.  The Internet has become a companion and an enemy of sorts.  It gives me something to occupy those long dark nights where the noises you hear always seem more ominous than in the light of day; at it's best,it is an uninterested companion.

I no longer see my friends or neighbors, as I am so exhausted by sunrise, I sequester myself to a falsely darkened room and spend my days in fitful sprints of sleep; awakened repeatedly by deliveries, phone calls, and Life in general. 

It seems like a punishment, but I have yet to figure out what  crime I have committed that the penalty is to virtually be removed from society and normalcy. I am trying to make use of this time to self evaluate and review what life has to offer in the midst of all this solitude.  Self reflection has not rewarded me with many answers to these queries.

I am a person who hates waste, particularly of things that are finite and irreplaceable.  How ironic that years of my life have been swept away chasing sleep and renewal of energy and hope.

Perhaps this is a gift in disguise, as is often the case when we have burdens assigned to us.  I have no doubt when I find the solution to my problem it will cease to exist because I found the meaning in the challenge.

Until that time, I bid you a truly "good" night.