Thursday, July 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Aubriana

A birthday letter

Dear Aubriana,

I find it hard to believe that you are 1 year old. You have been a part of our lives over 3 months; in some ways it is "only" three months, but in my mind you have been my daughter forever.

I always wanted a little girl, and my yearning for you started decades ago. In May of 2005 when we officially decided to create our family through adoption, I allowed myself to love the idea of you; the years spent waiting for you caused that feeling to deepen.

We named you, we spoke of you and we planned for you. Almost three years to the day, we met you and the space in my heart reserved just for you was filled with such joy and love and knowing immediately we were meant to be mother and daughter.

Here is what I know about you thus far, you are gentle and sweet; giving and kindhearted. You show empathy when you see others in distress. You are a great eater and generous with food and toys, you are a sound sleeper and look like an angel when you sleep. You only cry when there is something wrong. You are studious and thoughtful about all things which cross your path. I believe you are very intelligent and will achieve whatever you set your mind to.

I wish I could have been with you from the moment you took your first breath and shield you from any hurts or pain that may have come your way.

On this day my thoughts go to your birth mother and what she must be feeling today. Wondering about you and how and where you are. I want to tell her how grateful I am to have you in my life and promise her that you will always know warmth, security, family and love.

Families are created in God's time and design; she was meant to deliver you to this world and I was destined to guardian you through it.

Be secure in the knowledge that you are thought of and loved by all of us lucky enough share our life paths with you.

Happy birthday my little love!

Endless hugs and kisses, Mommy

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Moment Of Silence Please

There has been a passing that I feel compelled to share with you.

It bares a moment of remembrance, reflection of what once was and respect for a life well lived, but sadly, no longer viable.

I speak dear friends, of my former life; my life B.C. (before children). A life in which I took great pleasure in perfecting certain aspects which had a need to be expressed and which I dutifully tried to comply with over the years.

I freely admit I am somewhat of a clean freak and like(d) my home to be "company ready" at all times. We are talking hard dusted furniture, spot free glass and mirrors, floors vacuumed daily, mopped know the type.

I would not only keep it clean and neat throughout the day, but somehow I also had time to sleep in, shower and groom like a lady and lunch with friends. My dog was well cared for and thin and had an air of happiness and contentment.

That life, like a large kidney stone....has passed, slowly and painfully.

My home, once my point of pride and joy has slowly become a carnival fun zone. Where once there was order and cleanliness now lies all matter of plastic paraphernalia in such offending colors they prompt one to wish away their gift of sight.

I knew B.C. (before children) this was but a chapter in my life and when we became A.D. (after diapers) I would have to make some adjustments and sacrifices.

ha, Ha, HA; fool that I was, I thought I could donate a small portion of the home to the children and they would be happy and satisfied with my generosity. Let me walk you through my home as it stands now.

Enter the front door, please try to avoid the rainbow colored blow up pool filled with 200 multi-colored plastic balls (precariously close to my Grandfather Clock filled with fine china collectibles).

As you pass by the Master Bedroom take a quick peak and notice the pack n' play set up right in front of my dresser and radio/cd player (music does soothe the soul, but I don't miss it ~ much). It would be nice to have easier access to my bra and panties, but I don't mind, really.

Our tour takes us to the family room/kitchen area, the very heart of the home, take a moment to appreciate the primary colored foam mat that lies straight in the walking path to the backyard and points beyond - out in the yard there is a 10 foot round pop up pool, which in the extreme heat serves the dual purpose of an extremely large pot for poaching eggs for like a convention or something similar .

Re-foucs on the family room, there are toy boxes (bright blue with Old McDonald themes on the sides) and laundry baskets filled to the rim with toys (all of which require many, many batteries). All of my stainless steel bowls, which were once used to create culinary cuisine to make your mouth water, but now are relegated to annoying noise makers which may or may not be used in the future to wake people out of a vegetative state.

They are right next to the toddler climber/slide which is indoors due to the Texas heat, the hernia from sliding it back and forth throughout the day only hurts when I laugh too hard.

There are many stand alone toys with the name Fisher Price and Leap Frog on them, more batteries please.

Look across the room to the triple decker mantle which soars 20 feet to the ceiling, anchored by a cozy fireplace; what, you can't see it? Squint a little - it is behind the changing table and diaper pail, nothing says fresh and clean like a pail of poop.

Hidden discretely behind the la-z-boy rocker recliner #1 is a lovely plastic bin filled with pajamas, wash rags, mismatched booties, bibs and towels. The chair directly across from that is hiding a beauty of an exer-saucer which collects dust and samples of my skin like it was destined to do so.

You look thirsty, come into the kitchen where the counter tops are filled with baby bottles, teething tablets, child pain relievers and large cans of formula. Oh, look another plastic bin filled with toys, and a walker which nobody really walks in, but it matches the two high chairs which are a great barricade from reaching the dining table and the computer station.

Come upstairs for a minute, but make sure to check out the laundry room which is now open 24/7 for all your laundry needs, and on the counter, next to the sink are not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 (four) diaper bags.

Beyond that is the garage, in addition to collecting Swarovski Crystal and fine china teacups I also have acquired a need to have multiple strollers, what a coincidence, now that I think about it I have as many strollers as I do diaper bags, isn't that strange?

OK, we got off track let's head up the stairs, as you top the stairs there is a wonderful feature, a cat walk, but wait, what is that near the railing, is it another stand alone, primary colored musical toy, tsk tsk, how did that get there?

The nurseries are filled with many objects of teething comfort and stuffed animals, books, books, books - how sweet! It is hard not to notice that none of MY things have made their way into the children's designated areas - isn't that interesting?

Come to the game room, what the heck is that? That isn't a 10 feet long 3 feet wide outdoor clubhouse with linking bridge and look out tower is it?

I've seen New York apartments smaller than that thing. How quaint, the once comfortable and welcoming reclining sofa/love seat now have a game table (once used to entertain and enjoy friends with for hours on end) shoved up against it.

I guess the lesson to be learned from this eulogy of my life B.C. (before children) is simply this:

B.C. ~ Before Children/ A.D. ~ After Diapers
Pasta w/garlic sauce and wine /Macaroni and Whine
Disposable income /Disposable diapers
I sleep like a baby /Like the baby to sleep
What to wear for dinner /Wearing dinner
Tire has a blowout/ Diaper has a blowout
On time/ Time out
Pillow talk/ Baby talk
Too much time on my hands /Too many hands on my time
Family is love /Love MY family

I have been grappling with merging my past life with my new and "improved" one. The thing is, they really can't co-exist. I have to let go of what once was to embrace what now is. I had a good run, it was fun and there are many fond memories, but now is the time to let it go, maybe one day we will meet again, in a couple of decades when the children leave the nest.

I will lay down my old friends Mr. Clean, Lemon Pledge and Windex with Ammonia "D" and dear, sweet Hoover. You were all so good to me, and I will always appreciate your hard work and dedication, but now is the time to enjoy my second childhood.

The babies and I will write our names in the dust and laugh at the food we find on the floor. One day, the square footage of my home will be obvious and visible to all, but today is not that day.

I bid my old life a fond farewell, I hope to see you in my dreams and recapture what we shared for so long. One day we'll meet again and perhaps rekindle what we shared together, until that time...I wish you well and hope you enjoyed our special time together.

Time to say goodbye.


Saturday, July 12, 2008

My Little One Year Olds ~

Today was another day of professional photos for the wee ones, this is the first time we had their pictures done together. It is a lot harder to wrangle moving babies with growing individual personalities then when they were pre-crawling proto-plasmic infants; my hat is off to photographers everywhere.

The beach scenes were done in the mall window and I think this was distracting, particularly to Lil Dude, who unleashed a love of the lime-light heretofore only reserved for the likes of Paris Hilton, Madonna, and Britney Spears. He was definitely "ready for his close up".

Speaking of Lil Dude, he has a new do I put this delicately...he has "found himself" and not in the spiritual sense so much as the physical sense.

I knew this day was seems to be a point of fascination for all of the male species...but he is so young and innocent in my eyes.

Needless to say this has become a new "NO TOUCH" zone in my home and elicits the same sign language and voice commands to stop unwanted behaviors, like pulling the bone out of the dog's mouth and playing with electrical wires.

I know it is like telling the wind to stop; but for now, I will continue to redirect as much as possible and offer every primary colored toy, array of electronic doo dads and large amounts of cash and candy to preserve his innocence and distract him from his new "friend" as long as I can!

Sigh, I thought he was different than the other boys.

Enjoy the pictures!


This is no way to travel, I flew home from China in Business Class.

The people in the mall like us....they really, really like us!

If we put our heads together, we could figure out a way to ride the waves on this ridiculous thing.

This guy is a glory hog, I can't work under these conditions!