Saturday, April 24, 2010

Gotcha Day x 2

Happy "Gotcha Day" Aubriana

I am stunned that it has been two years since you were placed into my arms and took your proper space in my heart which had a portion reserved just for you since my creation.

My love for you was planted before I ever saw your face or felt your soft skin against mine.  I always knew I wanted to mother a daughter, when the winding road to you was finally complete everything made sense to me.

As we celebrated this weekend, and went out to eat, you are now old enough to repeat Happy Gotcha Day!  You smiled as they handed you a special flower and sang a song in Italian just for you, you blew out the candle and made a wish; and suddenly I was overcome with... sadness.

Sadness for you, because for me, "Gotcha Day" was an amazing, wonderful, dream come true but for you it is not as positively charged. I realized that this window in your life, before you start to fully comprehend what it means to have a Gotcha Day, is quickly closing. 

The time will come when you understand in order to have a Gotcha Day there had to be an "abandonment day" and all that implies; and I know how devastating that will be for you to come to terms with.

As a parent, it is my duty to support my children through the good times and the bad; loving you is so natural and easy it just feels like it was always meant to be this way; but I know you will have questions of who were they, what if I had stayed, where are they now, why me...I don't have the answers to those questions, and probably never will, and for that I am sad and sorry.

This is what I "know":

"They" were people, who delivered a precious gift.

Without you, our family circle would not be complete.

I wish them peace and serentity in their decision, and gratitude for opening the doorway for me to reach you.

It simply had to be you, because my heart tells me so.

I'm so grateful everyday for the blessing of you and your brother.  In my selfish thoughts, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I hope that a lifetime of love and devotion to you will ease the burden of those questions and you will find happiness in the course this life has taken us all on, together.

May your wishes come true, happiness be a frequent visitor, and love encircle you all the days of your life.