Happy "Gotcha Day" Aubriana
I am stunned that it has been two years since you were placed into my arms and took your proper space in my heart which had a portion reserved just for you since my creation.
My love for you was planted before I ever saw your face or felt your soft skin against mine. I always knew I wanted to mother a daughter, when the winding road to you was finally complete everything made sense to me.
As we celebrated this weekend, and went out to eat, you are now old enough to repeat Happy Gotcha Day! You smiled as they handed you a special flower and sang a song in Italian just for you, you blew out the candle and made a wish; and suddenly I was overcome with... sadness.
Sadness for you, because for me, "Gotcha Day" was an amazing, wonderful, dream come true but for you it is not as positively charged. I realized that this window in your life, before you start to fully comprehend what it means to have a Gotcha Day, is quickly closing.
As a parent, it is my duty to support my children through the good times and the bad; loving you is so natural and easy it just feels like it was always meant to be this way; but I know you will have questions of who were they, what if I had stayed, where are they now, why me...I don't have the answers to those questions, and probably never will, and for that I am sad and sorry.
This is what I "know":
"They" were people, who delivered a precious gift.
Without you, our family circle would not be complete.
I wish them peace and serentity in their decision, and gratitude for opening the doorway for me to reach you.
It simply had to be you, because my heart tells me so.
I'm so grateful everyday for the blessing of you and your brother. In my selfish thoughts, I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope that a lifetime of love and devotion to you will ease the burden of those questions and you will find happiness in the course this life has taken us all on, together.
May your wishes come true, happiness be a frequent visitor, and love encircle you all the days of your life.
Mommy
9 comments:
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! I loved this.
Beautiful post! So glad to see the update to your blog! Your children are thriving and you look simply beautiful!
My girls are 5 1/2 and 8 1/2. I've almost decided not to celebrate Gotcha Day overtly. I will always do so in my heart, but I'm trying to decide if it is a good thing for them or not. What are your feelings on this?
I was so happy to see that you posted today and I should have known better than to open this up right before bed...now I am balling like a baby...for many reasons.
First is that you updated and that I hope that you will continue to update more regularly for my own selfish desires to see your beauties more often. I was struck by how much they have grown and changed in these pictures from the last time you shared photos. Lil' Dude's face has changed so much...he's a boy now and in these shots he again reminds me of my WonderBoy so much...especially with LD's hair shorter than I've seen it.
Aubrianna just gets more beautiful every day. She too is changing and she has lost some of those adorable baby cheeks which are giving way to the elegant lines that she has been graced with.
I welled up when I saw you with them because I know that they are your whole life...and to see you at the center of their universe with that look in their eyes that you are EVERYTHING to them...well, it just made me want to be there with all of you. You look so happy with them...and they with you.
The tears flowed as I read of your feelings of selfishness intertwined with the sadness you imagine your daughter will feel one day.
I have thought a lot about the "abandonment" issue around the "gotcha day" celebrations and I'm still coming to terms with it myself. We have one here too...a gotcha day.
I have often wondered when my time would come where the questions would be asked that I can't answer...here we are at Year 11 and I can honestly tell you that I have answered every question truthfully and I have tried not to put my OWN spin on his feelings. I might have felt abandoned or angry or questioning...but he is not me and at 11 he feels honored and lucky and blessed and exactly where he belongs. I know this because he tells me this and I can't believe I worried so long that he would feel as I most probably would have. Now, I'm not saying that at 21 he will feel the same...but we're not there yet and when we get there, I will again answer truthfully and with love and we will get through it.
I can't change history or how we came to be but I can be here now and enjoy every minute of our lives together and keep that dialogue going in an ongoing conversation and accept whatever he is feeling thoughout the years...and love him no matter what.
Enjoy every precious moment with you little beauties...I can't help but smile HUGELY when I see them (especially that shot of them in the chair...oh, man...be still my heart!) but when I see you with them I just see that Life is as it should be.
You, my friend, are an amazing mother...and an incredible friend.
xoxoxoxo
love you,
Dita
What a beautiful post Valerie. (I too was so happy to see that you had updated - I was missing your news and humor.)
Wishing you a happy and meaningful gotcha day (or family day). It is a mixed blessing but a special day because it's the first day you became Aubrianna's Mommy.
And you look beautiful together. I loved your photos. Thank you for sharing them.
Hugs to you!
Wanda
What a beautifully put post. I think we as parents to an adopted child worry about the day the questions come rolling in.
Our daughter is now 6 and was also born in China. She has begun to ask some of the most complicated questions at this age. I just try to explain it as simply as I can right now. I can just see the wheels turning. She is one that is full of questions.
I'll never forget your gotcha. Congratulations on the anniversary.
The children look so happy!
Ok, well, I'm just blubbering through that one...sniffle sniffle
Love you and your babies - there is only one "vawee" for us
xo
Love the pictures...asleep in the chair...oh!
Beautiful post, Valerie.
You're so good to think of the downside of her adoption, and I'm sure that when the time comes to talk about it, you'll do a wonderful job.
Love the picture of her giving you a kiss! Your two kids are adorable!
Wow - time flies!! We miss seeing you guys.
Give us an update, girl :).
xx
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