Stop Thief

I'd like to file a report on some missing items.  Items I've long held in my possession, items that have called the same locations in the house "home" for near 7 years running.  These items are not of particular value to anyone else but me; still they are useful and serve their intended purpose well. 

Blue Hairbrush: 
This brush is nearly 2 decades old and is "thee" brush for me. I've purchased dozens but  none come close to taming my locks nor feeling so comfortable in my hands as this little brush. 

Porcelin teapot shaped tea bag holder.
When I first received this item near 5 years ago, I admit my first ungracious thought was "What the hell am I supposed to do with this? I don't drink hot tea." but I repurposed it and it has become a twice daily used part of my routine.  It has become my very fancy pill holder and safely guards the dozens of vitamins and Rx I use everyday.

Green eyeshadow cartridge and 4 Bonnie Bell fruit flavored lip gloss sticks.

Don't ask abaout the green eyeshadow it was a 90's thing, but the cartridge holds 4 units and the other three sit homeless while the housing and green cartridge are gone.  I put this with the lip gloss because they disappeard at the same time from the same drawer.

4 pens and 2 sets of wooden drumsticks:  The pens  are noticed everytime I try to write a check out at my desk and the recipients of said checks would appreciate a check that is actually signed.  A drum without drumsticks is just a sad instrument without purpose.

1/2 a banana taken from atop the dining room table.
I don't want to re-claim it to eat it, just curious where it may be.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS

Aubriana AKA "Rambling Rose" Notice the lack of eye contact.

Lil Dude AKA "Sticky Fingers Stan" Note the shifty smile and the tenative touching of the fingers.

Maggie Moo AKA "The Magster" Note the bored yawn of one who knows but will not speak.

If you've seen any of these suspects approach with caution, they are known to carry loaded diapers and the dog may or may not ride your leg in an inappropriate manner. 

Reward for all items returned in their original condition, except the banana, please dipose of properly.

Thank you for your assistance.

Vindictive Valerie