Mid-Life Review

I rarely have time to note the date on the calendar anymore since the arrival of the two little ones. But it has been brought to my attention that the anniversary of my birth is upon me.
I am shocked to tally the number of years and come up with a number that seemed so "advanced" to me not so long ago.

In my head I remain somewhere between 19 and 25. These were the years where I was most satisfied with my physical/emotional/mental state. This is not the reflection I see in the mirror. That stranger who has been following me around looking more and more haggard with the passage of time is someone I wish would go away and stop blocking my view of the lovely, sweet, innocent girl I see in my memories.

This woman shows signs of wear and tear and time served that have accumulated and reproduced in such a way that no amount of concealer, foundation, bronzer or even primer can conceal their presence.

I suppose it isn't fair to resent the image we become, life experience shows itself differently on every face. Some people progress through life gracefully and age rests gently on their countenance, others wear it like a battered shield of battles won and lost. I put myself in the category of a shadow of what once was, but not so road weary as to be unpleasant to gaze upon in the present.

There is something in the eyes, those windows to the soul, that reveals the trials and tests not so easily overcome, a knowing and in that knowing the loss of innocence and expectations not yet dashed. This is the trade off for growing older; with wisdom comes age spots.

They have a category for older single women looking to date "Cougar", the name implies a lithe, stealthy predator who will ensnare her intended prey with the precision of a skilled hunter, not to be outdone by the sweet fuzzy kittens tempting the same pray with adorability and innocence yet to be destroyed. Who will win in a battle so uneven.

I would have to be placed into an entirely different category yet to be acknowledged on public forums. I propose we start a new movement for women who have entered the 4th decade of life and actually been at the party for a while now....I picture this group to be filled with women who are still "cute and appealing, intelligent, keeping their stories hidden behind an alluring mask of mystery that protects others from seeing too much of their varied and diverse history. Shared characteristics would include an independent nature, deep curiosity about the world around them would be self evident, dedication to set and achieve goals, nimble physical traits to keep them current. A sense of fun, perhaps even a mischievous side to keep things interesting. But ultimately a creature that doesn't need anyone specific in their lives but who chooses to do so if it pleases them. We would be known simply and humbly as "Coons" (as in raccoon). Not so terrifying as a cougar, more of a nuisance animal at worse and an endearing character to be admired and encouraged at best.

I digress in my ramblings, I am not in a position to be a full fledged "Coon" at the moment, as I am running late from my Kitten years and am spending what should have been the later stages of my "Cougar" time mothering little children.

I just know that if I could talk to the younger version of myself who I still see in my memories I would have told her to be less harsh a judge of herself, she was really beautiful, and fun and smart and she sold herself short. On the flip side I look to my future self and can see her looking at me and shaking her head that I wasted so much time courting the past and overlooked that I still had all of the gifts I had been given earlier and they were still in good running order, so don't waste the present idling at a light that is green and waiting for you to pass through. Life is a one way street, you can't go back but you can enjoy the view as you journey along this road.

Whatever stage of life you find yourself in, embrace it and accept it for what it is, another page on your life's journal if you don't like it change it, if you love it duplicate it. Whatever you do don't regret it or begrudge it, that is the same as ripping the page out of your story. A full book to present to G*d for review at the end is what the journey is all about. Make your story full and interesting to live and relive through other's perception of you and the choices you make.

That is my mid-life rant. If I were a man I would have just shown up in a new sports car and dating women in their 20's. I'll settle for self reflection and blogging. Maybe I'll trick out the minivan with a massage seat and stoked up A/C for those upcoming hot flashes I keep hearing about.

Happy Birthday To Me.