Resistance Is Futile

I awoke this morning to something sticking me in the back, and upon closer inspection discovered the magnetic dog without his complimentary skate board which came with a recent kid's meal from Sonic Burger. This was not our first encounter, in fact he had been embedded in the bottom of my foot not 2 days earlier when I shouted out (to no one in particular) "What the frig! Throw this thing away someone is going to get hurt with the knick knack crap."


Apparently when you say things to no on in particular, no one in particular takes action, and thus the little dog somehow made it into my inner sanctum. The one place I used to be able to retreat to away from all the stresses of the world...the Master Bedroom and En Suite. I threw the plastic predator across the room making a mental note of where he landed so I would not repeat another pedi-union again and retreated even deeper in the oasis which is the whirlpool tub.


I filled the tub with luke warm water and added my favorite bath oil and sunk into the forgiving and welcoming bubbles and water, but could not shake the feeling that I was not alone.


I peaked through my closed lashes and could make out the shapes and figures of several guests whom I personally had not invited to share this sacred time with. One of the invaders had a reddish cast to his skin and the most bulbous eyes, which would intrigue the greatest of Thyroid specialists, the other was more orange in tone with the wide open gasp of what his own large peepers were showing him - quickly my eyes darted to a hairy little fellow with a self assured grin accompanied by his partner in crime a cropped haired girl who looked as if this was one adventure she hadn't planned upon. I, in short, was surrounded, encircled like a wagon train who'd caught the enemy and was trying to figure out how to handle the situation.


There to my left was Dora, and her companion Boots a few feet over safe in their tug boats were Earnie and Elmo (I could hear his sarcastic giggles in my head). I started to really take in my surroundings, off in the distance were Hello Kitty and Winnie the Pooh surveying the scene from afar.

The once lovely bathroom retreat is now a shadow of what once was. The mirrors covered in toothpaste smears and water spray from the nightly onslaught of raucous rinsing. The towels enhanced with expensive trim and for show only, askew and uneven like a strong wind has blown through. Various tooth brushes and foam blocks were all around me. My pumice stone for some reason no longer the usual gray color now covered with marker streaks of red and blue.


Is it any wonder I can't relax in this space, it has been invaded? I abruptly let the water drain from my calming bath and hurriedly exit the master quarters only to walk directly into the hallway which is diaper changing station #1 as I ignore that table of terror I am reminded of the kids birthday party back on July 18 by 10 balloons stubbornly clinging to the ceiling 20 feet above me, taunting me that they will be around to witness Christmas and there is nothing I can do about it.


There are 2 new scooters that get less riding action that a one legged horse sitting in the corner.
The remains of breakfast for two people weighing in at a combined weight of 62lbs looks like the aftermath of a catered event for 20 or more.


I slowly sigh....this is the still new normal. It has been two years, and I'm still adjusting. But when I see these photos of the kids turning 2, the changes are welcome and I try to remember I had the old way for a long time. Now is the time for discovery and carefree days of learning about life together. You get two chances at childhood, once for yourself and the second time through your child's eyes.; it is a gift both times.


Just a moment I needed to take, to remember what was, and appreciate what is.

Happy Birthday Aubriana Rose

You are two years old today, how fast the days go by and you changing everyday right along with them! You continue to reveal a very independent nature, a deep curiosity to figure out the how and why of everything you come into contact with. You are a natural helper and caregiver; who likes to help out with things such as setting the table and cooking. You are very generous with toys and food as long as YOU are the one to pass things out. Your smile and laugh are joyful to behold, but you bequeath them very selectively. My love for you is overflowing, sometimes it seems my heart cannot contain so much love, and yet it does. You are the bloom that completed my life's bouquet.

Happy Birthday my beautiful angel.

Love Mommy

Mid-Life Review

I rarely have time to note the date on the calendar anymore since the arrival of the two little ones. But it has been brought to my attention that the anniversary of my birth is upon me.
I am shocked to tally the number of years and come up with a number that seemed so "advanced" to me not so long ago.

In my head I remain somewhere between 19 and 25. These were the years where I was most satisfied with my physical/emotional/mental state. This is not the reflection I see in the mirror. That stranger who has been following me around looking more and more haggard with the passage of time is someone I wish would go away and stop blocking my view of the lovely, sweet, innocent girl I see in my memories.

This woman shows signs of wear and tear and time served that have accumulated and reproduced in such a way that no amount of concealer, foundation, bronzer or even primer can conceal their presence.

I suppose it isn't fair to resent the image we become, life experience shows itself differently on every face. Some people progress through life gracefully and age rests gently on their countenance, others wear it like a battered shield of battles won and lost. I put myself in the category of a shadow of what once was, but not so road weary as to be unpleasant to gaze upon in the present.

There is something in the eyes, those windows to the soul, that reveals the trials and tests not so easily overcome, a knowing and in that knowing the loss of innocence and expectations not yet dashed. This is the trade off for growing older; with wisdom comes age spots.

They have a category for older single women looking to date "Cougar", the name implies a lithe, stealthy predator who will ensnare her intended prey with the precision of a skilled hunter, not to be outdone by the sweet fuzzy kittens tempting the same pray with adorability and innocence yet to be destroyed. Who will win in a battle so uneven.

I would have to be placed into an entirely different category yet to be acknowledged on public forums. I propose we start a new movement for women who have entered the 4th decade of life and actually been at the party for a while now....I picture this group to be filled with women who are still "cute and appealing, intelligent, keeping their stories hidden behind an alluring mask of mystery that protects others from seeing too much of their varied and diverse history. Shared characteristics would include an independent nature, deep curiosity about the world around them would be self evident, dedication to set and achieve goals, nimble physical traits to keep them current. A sense of fun, perhaps even a mischievous side to keep things interesting. But ultimately a creature that doesn't need anyone specific in their lives but who chooses to do so if it pleases them. We would be known simply and humbly as "Coons" (as in raccoon). Not so terrifying as a cougar, more of a nuisance animal at worse and an endearing character to be admired and encouraged at best.

I digress in my ramblings, I am not in a position to be a full fledged "Coon" at the moment, as I am running late from my Kitten years and am spending what should have been the later stages of my "Cougar" time mothering little children.

I just know that if I could talk to the younger version of myself who I still see in my memories I would have told her to be less harsh a judge of herself, she was really beautiful, and fun and smart and she sold herself short. On the flip side I look to my future self and can see her looking at me and shaking her head that I wasted so much time courting the past and overlooked that I still had all of the gifts I had been given earlier and they were still in good running order, so don't waste the present idling at a light that is green and waiting for you to pass through. Life is a one way street, you can't go back but you can enjoy the view as you journey along this road.

Whatever stage of life you find yourself in, embrace it and accept it for what it is, another page on your life's journal if you don't like it change it, if you love it duplicate it. Whatever you do don't regret it or begrudge it, that is the same as ripping the page out of your story. A full book to present to G*d for review at the end is what the journey is all about. Make your story full and interesting to live and relive through other's perception of you and the choices you make.

That is my mid-life rant. If I were a man I would have just shown up in a new sports car and dating women in their 20's. I'll settle for self reflection and blogging. Maybe I'll trick out the minivan with a massage seat and stoked up A/C for those upcoming hot flashes I keep hearing about.

Happy Birthday To Me.

Happy Birthday Lil Dude x Deux

Happy 2nd Birthday Lil Dude

Two years, since you surprised us with an unexpected arrival directly into our hearts. How lucky I feel to be your mother, to witness all of your firsts and share your joys and accomplishments; how lucky to be the one to soothe your pain and sadness and be able to make things better in some small way; how lucky that God knew you were meant to be with me and I you and that my capacity to love you grows bigger everyday; how lucky am I that you are my one and only "Beautiful Boy"?