Family

When you are the parent of an adopted child, there are certain roads you are going to cross that biological parents won't ever be challenged by.  Where do I come from? Why didn't my other parents want to keep me? Why don't I look like anybody in our family?  Are we a "real" family?

In the back of my mind I am trying to formulize how I will answer these questions and what the best way to answer them will be.  I want to be honest without causing pain, informative enough to ease the ache to know and not so selfish as to act as this was always how it was meant to be and part of a higher power not to be questioned.

In my thoughts my children are a part of me from head to toe, I couldn't love them any more if I had delivered them myself and in my heart, mind and soul they are MINE. 

I had an interchange with Lil Dude this week, that made my heart sing, and help me realize that the seeds of love, acceptance and being a part of a circle of love have definitely been planted and are taking root.

We were looking out my bedroom window and watching children coming home from school.  I pointed out a Daddy and his two daughters trailing behind him, then some boys riding their bikes home together, and several other sets of children who happened to be passing by us during this moment in time.

I said to Lil Dude, "One day you and sissie will go to school every day just like these kids.  You will make friends, learn about the world and have lots of fun.  Mommy will miss being with you when you are gone because she loves you both so much and wants to be with you all the time, but when you come home you'll tell me all about your day."

At this point he gave a soft smile and laid his head back on my shoulder and still gazing out the window he said, "FAMILY".

Yes my joy, family.

Halloween can add two new members to it's mass of fans.

This is the first year the kids "got" what Halloween means. I was able to communicate to them about costumes and saying "Trick Or Treat" and "Thank You" and even to give candy away and say Happy "Ween" (Lil Dude wasn't quite ready to say the whole mouthful of letters together. Aubriana said nothing, but looked puzzled that we were giving candy away instead of eating it ourselves throughout the day and night.

We went to two Halloween events this year and the kids somehow managed to get two costumes each to wear for the various events (I know my rule over their costume choices will be a short lived one and there are so many couples I want them to dress as before my power is gone).

I don't remember Halloween ever being the "stressful" holiday, it was the friendly and fun leader of the official holiday season. This year the kids were actually going to participate in the holiday 100%. No more being dressed up and photographed and then put to bed.

I've been trying to teach them to say "trick or treat" for over a month. I had to search for Lil Dude's first costume for two months before finding exactly what I wanted on E-bay. I decided at the last minute to invest in back-up costumes for them the day before Halloween and that resulted in me driving all over town trying to create a "cheap"costume combo which resulted in a very expensive costume combo and a headache.

Last year we were able to dress and drag them through a local mall and gather a few token pieces of candy they were not able to enjoy..but this year, they had the gift of knowledge. The ability to understand, albeit on a simple level, that there was a give and take going on with people. They got to see that all the houses around us contain families and all you have to do to beckon them is knock and wait. The people also seemed so happy to see them that they gave them gifts - what a revelation.

When we got home, they heard our own door knocked on and were then greeted with many people who also seemed happy to see them, and they were allowed to give gifts to these visitors in turn which made them even happier.

After it was all said and done, the memories I have are priceless. They opened a new chapter of their childhood and I got to relive some of my fondest memories through their eyes.

Dorothy and her Scarecrow (she refused to wear the wig I bought)

The first event was held at a local fire station; candy + firemen = Yummy!

A kid sized version of our home town.

The Twilight Show Was Mickey and Minnie Mouse (Formal Wear)

They don't know what is in store for them yet.

I guess my Wicked Witch Hat doesn't make sense in this picture.

Shhh!  People are giving away CANDY!

Hitting make-up for the transformation f rom Mickey Mouse to Scarecrow

Post Minne - Now Dorothy

What could be more fun than having a friend join you? Quint was the cutest Turkey ever!

Back home and giving really is better than receiving!

Post script:

Today we went for a walk and Lil Dude went up to a house with pumpkins in the front yard, and knocked on the door - he has yet to grasp this was a one day event, but I love the idea of neighbors being happy to see one another no matter the date and being welcomed with a smile and a treat.

No; Self

We are embarking on another turn on the road of growing up. Lil Dude is being challenged between wanting me to be a part of everything he does, even if it is just sitting next to him while he watches cartoons and his innate desire for independence. I tried to put a bib on him at breakfast only to be pushed away, twice, while he said sternly "No! Self". I am now obsolete when it comes to adding a bib to his meal attire. Aubriana, does not desire any assistance once the clothes are off with the removal of her diaper. How is it overnight, their minds decide tomorrow will be different, we can now do x,y and z?

The purpose of a parent is to prepare and release our children into the world. It is a struggle almost from the beginning to be free from the host that brought you to life, it is a dance of coming together and separating only to reunite again in the rhythm of life; although the tempo is faster than I had anticipated.

The pushing away is painful to me, while I know it is necessary, there was a physical and emotional discomfort in the act of being pushed away.

I was raised by a parent who tried to suppress that need and desire for independence in their children and know the repercussions of such behavior; but knowing now how it feels to be less needed everyday, I understand the thought process behind those actions.

If done properly the independent child turns into an adult who no longer needs their parents, but chooses to be with them out of love and desire.

Growing pains are not just for the young.

Lil Dude found the wagon by himself and was pulling Sister and pumpkins all around the patch.

Aubriana, is practicing her best pose for later parades in an open convertable.

They didn't need to be told to hug for the shot.

Friends and A Pumpkin Patch

We meet at least once a week to play with our dear friends Quint and Christie.

They really like one another and keep themselves well entertained.

I love my little "Q" tip, he is such a doll.

Lil Dude, loves his Auntie C and his bud. Q, he even loves Uncle Anton, who he thinks is big.

My Princess is finding her smile more easily everyday.

He is as charming as they come and the words "no" are so hard to say to him.

Lil Dude and his "Crisseeee"

Brunch and then the Pumpkin Patch

Bounce Houses, hay rides, games and treats? Yippee

Lovely day for pumpkin patch hunting.

It was breezy and about 70 degrees. Perfect weather

Loving the wagon to survey the many pumpkins.

Are these the right ones?  Hmmm.

Lil Dude has perfected his "Cheeeeezzzzeeee" face

A great day with the kids.

Potty Training Season

Another thing I can add to the list of things I never thought I'd do...sitting on the floor with my legs straddled around the toilet base cheering on children to pee and/or poo in exchange for M&M's.

I would describe myself as somewhat of a prim and proper type when it comes to personal space and hygenic habits.  I am not one to use the bathroom facilities with the door open, or walk around the gym locker room half dressed.  So it is a strange sensation to be sitting with another human being, albeit a small one, and be so up close and personal. 

This is different than changing diapers, this is probably the final big thing I need to teach the kids before they are pretty much self sufficient.
1. They can feed themselves; like a monkey does, but the nutrition does make it's intended destination.
2.  They can clean themselves, if you don't take into consideration the large amounts of soap vs. the amount  of water and rinse time ratio.
3.They can make their needs known verbally; you won't see them hosting any tv. shows soon, but if you get them to repeat and point enough and use some basic charades mannerisims, communication is achievable.

The ability to listen to their bodie's need to excrete toxins is the final frontier in being a fairly well rounded individual.  Sure they will be a diamond in the rough, but once you can manage to not soil yourself in a public setting, the world's doors suddenly open up to you.

They can gain entrance to the best pre-schools, travel suddenly becomes do-able because diapers are a thing of the past.  Friends without children will offer invitations for you to come over now that the chance of accidents on thier antique furniture has gone down dramatically.  Relatives you haven't heard from since the infant days are now willing to take the kids for an afternoon or even overnight.

This is the missing piece of the puzzle, this is when you really graduate and get your "humanity card", when you can control your bladder and bowels, you can control the world.

It will be one of the most important gifts I will present to them, one they will use late into their adult lives, until they get old and the circle of life completes itself with the need for Depends. 

Yes it is a dirty job, yes it tests my privacy boundries, and yet I do it with the pride that comes from knowing I will be releasing a respectable human being into the world and they will not make doo-doo where they should not. 

The next time you are out in public and surrounded by people who are managing their bodily functions, you need to send up a little prayer of recognition, gratitude and appreciation, because somewhere there was a parent who spent many a day on the cold hard floor of  life teaching their charges how and where to leave the "remains of the day" and that makes life a little bit nicer for everyone, everywhere.

You are most welcome.

Valerie